This article was originally published in Working Mother, May 2010.
Mom
Laurie Kelley, 48, vice president of marketing and communications, University of Portland, OR, children ages 22, 20, 15 and 11
When one of her children developed migraines at age 4, Laurie Kelley wondered if her busy career somehow contributed. “I thought maybe it was our stressful life, or that my daughter had such long days in child care,” she says. And years earlier the young mom’s heart broke when her day care told her they’d put her children’s cots together at naptime so they could comfort each other.
Laurie was proud to be the first woman in her family to go to college and get an MBA. She loved her career immensely. But she often wondered whether she was doing the right thing for her children, whom she loved even more. “I just wasn’t sure I was a good parent,” she admits. “I worried a lot about their future.”
Something shifted for Laurie when a friend was diagnosed with what would become terminal cancer. She decided to scale back at work, switching to a three-quarter schedule. But then there were fears that her dedication at work was being questioned, that her career was stalling. She went back and forth like this, even staying home for about two years to focus on her family. But she missed her career.
Laurie returned to full-time work in 2006. For all her worries about her job’s effect on her children, she can now see all the things she and husband Michael, an attorney, did right. They were both involved in their care; they instilled independence in them and had regular family dinner despite six crazy schedules. Today, she’s proud that her two kids in college and two more still at home are all thriving.
She looks back on her younger self, all that she didn’t know then. All that she knows now. “People don’t talk enough about how everything is going to be okay, and it really is.”
Son
Ross Kelley, 22, student, Washington University in St. Louis
He’s a college senior, captain of the men’s basketball team and cofounder of a nonprofit that resells abandoned dorm room furnishings—all with the money going to a local domestic violence shelter. Poised to graduate this month, Ross Kelley wants next to follow in his mom’s footsteps.
“I’m majoring in marketing,” he says (it’s one of his three majors). “And a big reason is because I see how much my mother loves her job.” He credits her with his own ability to do many things well. “My mom would work, cook, clean, carpool, work out and be a mother in a single day—with a smile on her face. Her optimism and diligence to her family and work had a huge impact on the adult I am today.”
That’s not to say Ross had no resentments growing up. “At times I might have felt neglected or embarrassed that she was at work when other moms were always around.” But Ross also says his mother was always there when he needed her. Today he’s grateful that she worked. It meant he couldn’t rely on her for everything, which pushed him to reach out to others and grow socially.
Still, he did not worry—about her, because he saw her worry and doubt. In college with his own grueling load, he understood the signs of exhaustion that crept into his mom’s usually stalwart persona. “She loves working, but I know she sometimes feels bad,” Ross says. I once said to her, “You love your work, and you spend so much time with us. Do what you want to do, and don’t worry. Look at us.”
Look at him.
